| Archives | Lists | Random | Register | Tell Joke | Links | About |
Pokern |
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Ed and Ted met for the first time in twenty years. "So, how's life been for you?" Ed asked. "Not too good," Ted replied. "My first wife died of cancer, my second wife turned out to be a lesbian and ran off with another woman and took all our savings, my son's in prison for trying to kill me, my daughter got run over by a bus, my house was hit by a low-flying aircraft, my vintage car rolled off the dockside into the sea, I had to have my dog put down recently, my doctor says that I have an incurable disease and to cap it all my business has just gone bust." "Oh dear, that sounds terrible." Ed said. "What business were you in?" "I sell lucky charms," said Ted.
Send this joke to a friend
1
Ed, Ted and their wives went out camping one weekend. Ed and Ted slept in one tent while the wives used the other. At about three in the morning, Ted woke up and yelled, "Wow, unbelievable!" Which woke Ed. "What's going on?" said Ed. "I've got to go to the other tent and find my wife." said Ted. "How come?" said Ed. "To have sex! I just woke up with the biggest hard-on I've ever had in my life!" said Ted After a pause, Ed said, "Do you want me to come with you?" "Hell, no! Why would I want you to do that?" said Ted. "Because that's my dick you're holding," said Ed.
Send this joke to a friend
2
A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife "Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take all that away. But,.. I must know, did he have a different father?" ...The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for moment and then confessed. "Yes. Yes he did." ...The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks "Who?.. Who was he? Who was the father?" ...Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then, finally, she says "You".
Send this joke to a friend
3
Mr. Goldfarb was walking down the street. In each arm he carried a bag. He ran into Mr. Klein. Mr. Klein asked, "What are those bags for?" "I'm collecting for Israel", said Mr. Goldfarb. "You need two bags?", asked Mr. Klein. "I've got a system, said Mr. Goldfarb. It's fantastic. I go into the men's room. I pull out a knife and hold it up. Then I say, 'Give for Israel or get a circumcision.' It works. I have forty thousand dollars in this bag. "What do you have in the other bag?", inquired Mr. Klein. "Oh, well, not everybody gives."
Send this joke to a friend
4
O'Connell was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg. "Please, God," he implored, "let it be blood!"
Send this joke to a friend
5
| Today's Stories Today's Poems Today's Quotes |
| Jump to |