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When asked by the Pope (I forget which one) what the Catholic Church could do for music, Igor Stravinsky is reputed to have answered without hesitation: "Give us back castrati!"
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I was playing in a night club, and getting few requests and small tips. Towards the end of the night, a man walked up with a wad of bills in his hand and asked me to play a jazz chord. I played an Amaj7. He said, "No, no. A jazz chord." I did a little improvisational thing, but he didn't like that either. "No, no, no! A jazz chord. You know, 'A jazz chord, to say, ah love you.'"
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Here's an easy one we did for our boss. Sign him up for a crossdresser weekly subscription or some other form of perversion (North America Man Boy Love Association). Address it to his name but under his neighbors address. Do this several times. Also, if you have his home phone, there's nothing like placing his name and number in homosexual personal ads...
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