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What should you give a man who has everything? Penicillin
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1
A certain college professor was notorious for getting off the topic of the lecture, and on to his favorite subject: the evils of marijuana. Off he went one day into his inventory of horrors, "Used regularly," he explained, "pot can cause psychic disorientation, sterility, cancer and castration!" "Now wait a minute, professor," interrupted a student. "Castration? That's absurd!" "Yes young man, it's sadly true," replied the professor smugly. "Just suppose your girlfriend gets the munchies!"
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2
What's pink and slowly turns red? A baby chewing a razor blade.
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3
A middle aged man, about 5 foot 8 inches tall, walks into a Walmart and asks where the pharmacy counter is. He is directed to it. When he reaches it, he asks to see the pharmacist. The pharmacist comes and the man, looking around furtively, asks quietly, "Do you sell Viagra here?" The pharmacist answers firmly, "Yes, sir. We certainly do." The man then asks, "Do you think I could get it over the counter?" The pharmacist thinks for a moment and then says, "Perhaps, if you took five or six pills at once you might."
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4
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
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5
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