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Don't you just hate it when you go to the doctor, and you're sitting on the examination table telling him about your symptoms, and with each new one you describe, he backs a little further away?
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Iraqi TV Guide MONDAY 8:00 Husseinfeld 8:30 Mad About Everything 9:00 Suddenly Sanctions 9:30 Allah McBeal TUESDAY 8:00 Wheel of Fortune and Terror 8:30 The Price is Right if Saddam Says its Right 9:00 Children are Forbidden to Say The Darndest Things 9:30 Iraq's Funniest Public Execution Bloopers WEDNESDAY 8:00 Buffy the Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer 8:30 Diagnosis: Heresy 9:00 Just Shoot Me 9:30 Veilwatch THURSDAY 8:00 Mahatma Loves Chachi 8:30 M*U*S*T*A*S*H 9:00 Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses 9:30 My Two Baghdads FRIDAY 8:00 Judge Saddam 8:30 Captured Iranian Soldiers Say The Darndest Things 9:00 Achmed's Creek 9:30 No-witness News
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Waxing eloquent on the sins of the flesh, the dynamic young preacher raised himself to full height, leaned over the pulpit and boomed, "Brothers and sisters, if there are any among you who have committed adultery, may your tongue cleave to the woof of your mouf!"
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A British Army colonel was reviewing the troops in colonial India. One man he passed sported an enormous erection. "Sergeant-Major!" the colonel shouted."Give this man 30 days compassionate home leave." "Yessir," the Sgt. Major replied. A few months later the same thing occurred with the same man. "Sergeant-Major! Give this man another 30 days compassionate home leave," the Colonel barked. A few months later, same guy, same problem. The Colonel is angry. "Sergeant-Major! Haven't we given this man two compassionate home leaves?" "Yessir," the Sgt. Major replies. "Then what's his problem, Sgt. Major?" the Colonel asks. The Sgt. Major salutes and says, "Sir. It's you he's fond of."
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4
An Avon lady was along in an elevator when she suddenly had to fart. She promptly reached into her bag and sprayed the air with her deodorizer. Two floors later a gentleman got onto the elevator. He began to sniff. The Avon lady asked, "Do you smell something?" "Why, yes, I do," he replied. "What does it smell like?" "Hmmm, I'm not sure, but it kind of smells like someone shit in a pine tree."
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