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A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to 'write' with it. Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well that's great, just great... some asshole's got my pen."
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1
How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America? They had reservations.
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2
The dentist was called away from the dinner table to take an urgent phone call. It was Mr. Tuckerman, explaining that young Junior had gotten himself into quite a fix. "See, he was kissing his girlfriend, and when my wife and I came back from the movies we found them stuck together." "I'll come right over, Mr. Tuckerman," said the dentist calmly, "and don't worry about a thing. I have to unlock teenagers' braces all the time." Mr. Tuckerman whispered, "Yes, but from an IUD?"
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3
What do a meteorologist in a snowstorm and a woman's sex life have in common? They're both concerned with how many inches and how long it will last.
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4
A guy says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women." "Yeah what happened?" asked his friend. The first guy replies, "Well, er, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle."
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5
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