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A bloke came home and found his missus in bed with three blokes. "Hello, hello, hello!" he screamed at them. "Aren't you talking to me?" his missus snapped.
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1
A woman goes into a bar and orders a beer. She grabs the beer and tips it down the back of her skirt. The barman looks amazed as she orders another and again tips it down her skirt. Finally, the barman says: "Why are you tipping your drinks down your skirt?" "Well," the chick replies, "I've just won the lottery and this is the only arsehole I'm shouting!"
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2
A blonde came running home to her mother, sobbing and hysterical. "What's wrong?" her mum, (another blonde) asked. "My boyfriend's just dropped me!" wailed the blonde. Her mother nodded wisely and started to tell her all about the birds and the bees. "No mum," the blonde interrupted. "You don't understand - I can fuck and suck with the best of them, but he says I can't cook!"
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3
One day a priest went into a public bathroom to use the stall. While he was on the toilet, he heard moaning coming from the stall next to him. He stood up to look over, and there was little Jimmy, sitting on the toilet masturbating. The priest was shocked. He told Jimmy that he knew what he was doing in there and that he should save it for marriage. Little Jimmy agreed to this only because it was coming from a priest. About a week later the priest ran into Jimmy at the mall and asked him how he was doing with his problem. Jimmy replied "Great father, I've saved a whole quart!"
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4
What's the difference between Love, True Love and showing off? Spit, swallow and gargle.
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5
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