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The classically minded among us may have noted a new TV ad for Microsoft's Internet Explorer e-mail program which uses the musical theme of the "Confutatis Maledictis" from Mozart's Requiem. "Where do you want to go today?" is the cheery line on the screen, while the chorus sings "Confutatis maledictis, flammis acribus addictis." For those of you who have not studied Latin, this translates to "The damned and accursed are consigned to the flames of hell." Good to know that Microsoft has done its research!
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After the worldwide strike of the "I LOVE YOU VIRUS," reports are already coming in that the virus is mutating into several stages. Within the next few hours, expect to see: The original "I love you" virus The "I like you alot" virus The "You're nice, but I just want to be friends" virus The "Look, it was just a date...don't get clingy" virus The "Okay, I think its best if we don't have anymore contact" virus The "It was late, I was drunk, you were easy" virus The "Stop calling me, you unfeeling jerk" virus The "That's it, I hate you and your stupid dog" virus and finally, The "You have made an enemy today, prepare to be boarded" virus
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Long ago in Israel the wisest man, a great philopher and thinker, was holding audience. Everyone was there - the hall was packed out - politicians at the front, professionals, doctors, lawyers next, then businessmen, etc., with lesser beings further and further away. He intones his most famous and deepest saying: "Life is like a fish". Everyone murmers in obedient and respectful agreement "How wise", "What a thinker", "How true", "What a man". At the very back of hall, a callow, spotty youth - a freshman probably, sticks his hand up and asks "Why?". Absolute horror around the hall... They stare round enraged at him "How can he question the great man?", "Has he no sense at all?". They stare back anxiously at the great man - what will he do? He doesn't react, just sits there, pondering. The atmosphere is electric. After ten minutes of deep thought, the great man looks up, the audience expectant with bated breathe. He speaks. "Alright, so it's not like a fish".
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