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Redneck family tree
Many many years ago
when I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow
who was pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter
Who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.
Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She's my grandmother too.
If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.
For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa!
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1
Mary had a little sheep,
And with the sheep she went to sleep,
The sheep turned out to be a ram,
Now Mary has a little lamb.
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2
The Very Very Untitled Poem
To you I write this poem of nonsense
My back is aching, my shoulders, tense
My R.S.I. is D.O.A.
Q.E.D. I.Q. O.K.
My temper frayed, about to snap
I am the king of talking crap
I try to do the best I can
I`m worse than David Letterman!
I watch TV to ease the friction
Of this internet addiction
But to my dismay, I find
I cannot leave the net behind
The world wide web calls to me
Like a mermaid siren in the cyber-sea.
Like watching "Twin Peaks", I`ve lost
the plot
I`ve been writing for weeks and this
is all I got.
With liquid refreshment as my
inspiration
Just cider that`s been through
refrigeration
Talkin` `bout my generation.
Pen to paper. Fingers on the keyboard.
Makes no difference. I`m still bored.
Light goes on if you pull the cord
Which payment plan can I afford?
Eat ice cream with some toffee fudge
"Robot" is the Czech word for "drudge".
I, robot. I scream!
Never mind. It doesn`t matter
I eat and drink and just get fatter
Excuse my ramblings. Now, I`ll cease.
And leave you lot in peace ;~)
© 1999 Peter Hughes
Sent by Pete Hughes
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3
Drink
I fell in love with a dry martini
But now she`s gone
And passed away...
Or rather, passed right through me.
After that, I drank some coffee
So momentarily
I found sobriety
She made me high
She gave me kicks
She made me ill
I was only six!
© 1989 Peter Hughes.
Sent by Pete Hughes
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4
There was a young man from Bellaire
Who was screwing his girl on the stair.
But the banister broke,
So he doubled his stroke,
And finished her off in mid-air.
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5
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