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Lady Di is welcomed at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. Peter asks: "Oh dear, what happened to you?" Di answers: "I died in a car crash, but wait till you see my friend, he looks much worse". Half an hour later Dodi shows up and St. Peter says: "My God, you look terrible." Dodi replies: "This is nothing. Wait till you see my driver." Half an hour later some bones and flesh move slowly to the Gates, and St. Peter says: "So you're the driver?" "No, I'm Mother Theresa.
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1
There were these three morticians talking about their greatest feats. The first one says, "I had this soldier who stepped on a land mine. Took me three days to get him ready for an open casket funeral!!" The next guy says, "oh yeah? I had this construction worker fall 15 stories, then he got run over by a steam roller, but I had him ready for an open casket funeral in two days!!!" The third guy sulks in the corner, "man. both y'all got me beat. I had this lady parachutist who landed on the empire state building. it took me four days just to get the grin off her face."
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2
Q: What's the difference between American and Serbian pilots? A: American pilots break ground and fly into the wind!
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3
"Doctor, I need your help," the woman says. "What seems to be the problem?" "My husband just doesn't satisfy me sexually. What can I do?" "Hmmm. That's a bit out of my league. Has HE seen a doctor?" "Yes, he has. He is perfectly OK. He just isn't enough for me. You've got to help me!" "Er ... Why don't you take a lover?" "I have! I still don't get enough." "Take another lover." "I did. In fact, I have eight lovers - and I still don't get enough sex!" "Gosh, that's an anomaly." "Oh, Doctor! Please tell them it's an anomaly! They all keep telling me I'm a whore!"
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4
A little girl asks her father, "where do little girls come from?" The father says, "they come from a hard-on." The little girl then asks her father, "where does a hard-on come from?" The father says, "little girls!"
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5
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