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There are three truths in life: 1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.... 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith..... 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store.
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1
What do you call a Japanese drummer boy whose father has diarrhea? A slap happy Jappy, with a crap happy pappy.
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2
Forty years later, they're in the same hotel room they spent their honeymoon in. She takes off her clothes, lies down on the bed, spreads her legs... Her husband looks at her and he begins to weep uncontrollably. She says, "What's the matter?" He says, "Forty years ago, I couldn't wait to eat it, and now, NOW..." "Now?" she asks. "Now, it looks like it can't wait to eat ME!"
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3
A man comes home drunk in the wee hours of the morning to find his wife angry and waiting for him at the door. "Out drinking again!?" she says. "How much money did you spend this time?" "$100," answers the man. "$100!" she shouts. "That's ridiculous, spending that much in one night!" "Easy for you to say," he replies. "You don't smoke, you don't drink, and you have your own pussy."
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4
A young schoolboy was having a hard time pronouncing the letter "R," and all the other kids were, of course, teasing him about it. To help him out, the teacher gave him a sentence to practice at home: "Robert gave Richard a rap in the ribs for roasting the rabbit so rare." In class a few days later, the teacher asked the boy to recite the sentence out loud. The boy nervously eyed his classmates -- many of them already laughing at him -- then replied, "Bob gave Dick a poke in the side because the bunny wasn't cooked enough."
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5
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