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A partially deaf gentleman was extolling the virtues of his new hearing aid. "It's marvelous," he enthused to a friend. "Since I acquired it I can hear the birds chirping on the hearth. I can also hear clearly a conversation being held in an apartment a full block away!" "You don't say," said his friend. "What kind is it?" The proud owner consulted his wristwatch and answered, "Twenty minutes after two."
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1
Two cows were talking in the field one day. First Cow: Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that's going around? Second Cow: Yeah, makes you glad you're a penguin, doesn't it?
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2
What's brown and sticky? A stick.
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3
This fellow dies and goes to heaven. God offers to answer three questions. guy: "Why are girls so pretty?" God: "So you'll like them." guy: "Why are girls soft?" God: "So you'll like them." guy: "Why are girls so dumb?" God: "So they'll like you."
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4
The other day my house caught fire. The insurance agent said, "Shouldn't be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?" I said, "Fire and theft." Insurance agent frowned. "Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft." Apparently, the only way I can make a claim with this coverage is if the house is robbed while it's burning down.
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5
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