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When asked by the Pope (I forget which one) what the Catholic Church could do for music, Igor Stravinsky is reputed to have answered without hesitation: "Give us back castrati!"
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I was playing in a night club, and getting few requests and small tips. Towards the end of the night, a man walked up with a wad of bills in his hand and asked me to play a jazz chord. I played an Amaj7. He said, "No, no. A jazz chord." I did a little improvisational thing, but he didn't like that either. "No, no, no! A jazz chord. You know, 'A jazz chord, to say, ah love you.'"
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At one job I had, the boss man got the idea that the IT department should be living up to the slogan, "Giving every user what they need." I politely requested, "How do we get them to turn around so we can kick them in the ass?" It went over quite well, the room fell out laughing. I don't work there any more.
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