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There was a young lady of Joppa
Who came a society cropper.
She went to Ostend
With a gentlemen friend---
The rest of the story's improper.
Send this poem to a friend 1 A contortionist hailing from Lynch
Used to rent out his tool by the inch.
A foot cost a quid---
He could and he did
Stretch it to three in a pinch.
Send this poem to a friend 2 There was a young girl of Claridge's
Who said, "What a strange thing marriage is,
When you stop to think
That I've poured down the sink
Five abortions and fifty miscarriages!"
Send this poem to a friend 3 There once was an apple-cheeked runt
Who was welcomed with joy at the Front.
This God's gift to he-men
Prevented spilled semen,
For his ass was tattooed like a cunt.
Send this poem to a friend 4 There was a young fellow named Simon
Who tried to discover a hymen,
But he found every girl
Had relinquished her pearl
In exchange for a solitaire diamond.
Send this poem to a friend 5