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A famous surgeon went on a safari in Africa. When he came back, his colleagues asked him how it had been. "Oh, it was very disappointing," he said. "I didn't kill a thing. I'd have been better off staying here in the hospital."
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1
A man goes into a doctor's office and says "Doctor! Doctor! I have five penises!" The doctor says,"Good lord! How do your pants fit?" The man replies, "Like a glove."
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2
A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the counter. Then she started talking to him, and tracing her fingers in the ashes, she said, "You know that fur coat you promised me Irving?" She answered by saying, "I bought it with the insurance money!" She then said, "Irving, remember that new car you promised me?" She answered again saying, "Well, I bought it with the insurance money!" Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said, "Irving remember that BlowJob I promised you? Here it comes..."
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3
Paddy gets a phone call from Murphy. "Paddy," says Murphy, "I've got a problem." "What's the matter?" replies Paddy "Oi've bought a jigsaw and it's too hard. None of the pieces fit together, and I can't find any edges." "What's the picture of?" asks Paddy "It's of a big cockerel," Murphy replies. Paddy says, "Alroight, Murphy, Oi'll come over and have a look." He gets to Murphy's house and Murphy opens the door. "Oh thanks for coming Paddy." He leads Paddy into the kitchen and shows him the jigsaw on the kitchen table. Paddy looks at the jigsaw, then turns to Murphy and says, "For God's sake Murphy, put the cornflakes back in the packet."
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4
Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year.
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5
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