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The teacher walked into the classroom to find words like "cunt" and "cock" scrawled all over the blackboard. "Children," she said, addressing the classroom, "you are much too young to use vile language like that. Now we're all going to close our eyes and count up to fifty. Then, while our eyes are closed, I want the little boy or girl who wrote those words on the board to tiptoe up and erase them." At the signal, the teacher and the children all closed their eyes. Then the teacher counted out loud, very slowly. When she reached fifty, she said, "All right. Everybody open their eyes." All eyes went to the blackboard. None of the words were erased. But below them was the message: "Fuck you, teacher! The Phantom strikes again!"
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1
A guy leaves his place at the bar to go have a piss. He comes back about 10 Minutes later, sits down at the bar, muttering & swearing very softly. The barkeep approaches the customer and asks what the problem is. "Oh some son-uv-a-bitch snuck up behind me while I was at the urinal and put a gun to my head". "Jesus Christ! What happened?" "He told me to give him a blow job or he'd blow my brains out!" "Yeah, then what?" "Well you didn't hear a gun shot, did you?"
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2
Two Polish guys are discussing one's upcoming wedding... "I'm not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not." His buddy replies, "Oh, there's an easy test for that. All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel. You paint one ball red and one ball blue. On your honeymoon, if she laughs and says 'Those are the funniest balls I've ever seen!' you hit her with the shovel!"
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3
Cop coming upon a young couple making out.... Cop: What the hell are you two doing? Boy: See honey, I told ya cops were stupid.
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4
Cop coming upon a young couple making out.... Cop: What the hell are you two doing? Boy: We're necking. Cop: Well stick your neck back in your pants and get out of here.
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5
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