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A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can just use your other hand to write."
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I was recently in my local pub in Scotland, and it was pretty quiet. There were several people sitting at the bar with me, and the bar-lady was reading a paper. She looked at me, puzzled, and said "John, you do crosswords, don't you?" "Yes," I replied, truthfully. "I've got one here - 'Stranded, as on a desert island', 10 letters, and the first is 'M'. Any ideas?" "Marooned," I said. The other customers shouted out their orders: "A whusky," "a pint o' heavy", etc, etc. Delighted at this display of humour, I refused to pay for a drop.
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When I was in college, a colleague at WTBS (no, not the Turner superstation, but the 14-watt campus radio station from which Turner later bought the call letters) _swore_ that he heard an announcer say "This is the Canadian Broadcorping Castration..."
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