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IN WAKE OF JONES DISMISSAL, A NEW FOCUS FOR STARR WASHINGTON, April 1 (Associated Press)--In the wake of the dismissal of the Paula Jones sexual-harassment lawsuit, Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr is focusing his investigation on allegations that President Clinton and members of the White House staff regularly drink red wine with fish, according to sources close to the investigation. The latest allegations arise out of confidential results of tests performed by the FBI Crime lab on a dress seized during a search of the Watergate apartment of former White House intern Monica S. Lewinsky, the sources added. After weeks of conflicting reports about the test results, the sources confirmed that they "definitely indicate" the presence of tannins "consistent with full-bodied domestic red wines such as Merlot or Zinfandel." If confirmed, the results would contradict earlier White House reports that any red wine consumed with fish by staffers was "a light Beaujolais Nouveau," a wine some legal experts had considered acceptable with steakier fish such as wasabi-crust charcoal-grilled yellow-fin tuna. "Of course these are only allegations," Sen. John Ashcroft, R-Mo., said in reaction to published reports about the course of Starr's investigation. "They are, however, extremely serious. I suggest that the President tell the American people the facts, and then step down and report to Allenwood Penitentiary until the matter can be fully resolved with the inauguration of a Republican president." White House press secretary Mike McCurry refused comment on the investigation, and privately White House staffers dismissed the possibility that the new charges could lead to impeachment proceedings. Republican staffers on Capitol Hill, however, insisted that the charges have the potential to breathe new life into both the impeachment drive and the independent counsel's flagging investigation. "We're not talking about some cheesy savings & loan fraud here," one Congressional veteran noted. "These charges go to the heart of our foreign policy. Imagine what this will do to relations with Britain and France." University of Illinois Law Professor Ronald Rotunda, a consultant to Starr's office, said that the legal questions would focus on the appropriateness of the specific varietal grape. In addition, he noted that the report of tannins suggested that "the President has been drinking wine before its time, a statutory offense in California." Rotunda added that the probe is complicated by allegations of a cover-up. "What did the President drink and when did he drink it? And why has the White House resisted disclosure for so long?" Starr's office had no official comment on the reports today. But sources close to the prosecutor confirmed that he had subpoenaed White House wine steward Jacques Clouzeau, ordering him to produce records of wines consumed and corresponding menus. Today's WASHINGTON POST reported that the White House has told the prosecutor's office that some of the menus cannot be found. The missing records apparently relate to wine consumed by the First Lady Hillary Clinton.
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Last weekend I was in the grocery store getting a gallon of milk. As a walk up to the check out line the lady in front of me turns around and says, " You are such a doll, you look almost identical to my daughter." Being polite I said thank you and asked the woman if her daughter was in college? I woman replied, "No she died about 2 years ago in car accident." I was in complete shock; I didn't no what to say. As the woman was handing the clerk her coupons she asked me to do a favor for her. I couldn't say no or it would seem too awkward. She asked me if I would wave at her and say "by mom." as she was leaving. Feeling very weird, as the lady was leaving I said "by mom!" When the clerk rang up my milk he said that will be $65.39. I am thinking WHAT?! The clerk said your mom told me you would take the bill for her also. My first reaction was to run after the lady. As I was close behind her, maybe a foot, I tripped and pulled her leg just like I am pulling yours!!
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True story from a Novell NetWare SysOp: Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?" Tech Rep: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?" Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?" Tech Rep: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?" Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer." Tech Rep: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?" Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it." At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive.
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