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A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem. The doctor asked her the usual questions and then asked her to go behind the screen and remove her clothes. She was a bit shocked but went ahead anyway. When she was undressed he asked her to stand on her hands in front of and facing a full length mirror. The young woman was even more shocked but if it would help solve her problem she thought she had better do what the doctor said. As soon as she was in position the doctor asked her to open her legs and when she did he put his head between them and rested his chin right on her private parts. After a few moments and some very positive 'yes, yes' type noises the doctor instructed her to get dressed again. Afterwards, the doctor sat her down and informed her that the main cause of her problem was just that she was drinking far too much liquid before going to bed. "So what did the exercise in front of the mirror tell you?" "Well," said the doctor, "my wife is right, a beard would suit me."
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1
A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does this he says to the woman, "Do you know what I'm doing?" "Yes," she says, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatolegical abnormalities." "That's right," says the doctor. He then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asks. "Yes," says the woman, "you're checking for any lumps of breast cancer." "That's right," replies the doctor. He then begins to have sexual intercourse with the woman. He says to her, "Do you know what I'm doing now?" "Yes," she says. "You're getting herpes."
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2
Liz Taylor goes in to see her cosmetic surgeon. "I have met the man of my dreams, finally, the love of my life !" she announces to the surgeon, "But I need you to help me with a small problem. This man is only 18 years old, I am truly head over heels in love with him, and don't want to disappoint him in any way, so I want you to make my vagina look like that of an 18 year old." The surgeon tells Liz of the delicate situations involved with this operation, but does finally agree to performing the said operation. "But one thing" Liz says "you have to swear to me that no one knows about this operation, that no magazines or tabloids hear about it!" "I swear Liz" the surgeon replies. The big day arrives, Liz goes under the knife, the operation goes text book perfect and she is moved to a recovery room. Upon regaining consciousness, Liz's eyes focus on three huge floral arrangements at the foot of her bed. As the surgeon enters the room to check on her, Liz bursts into tears. "How could you do this to me !!! You swore that not a soul would hear of this operation!!! " "Now, now Liz, I didn't tell a soul. The first arrangement is from me. I've been your friend, as much as your surgeon for the past 10 years, I just wanted to make you feel good. The second arrangement is from the anesthesiologist, he's gay, he's one of your biggest fans, and I thought it was okay, since he's worked side by side with me on your operation." Liz's eyes gazed over to the third arrangement, pointing her finger ,"And who sent those?" "Oh yeah" the surgeon replied. "Those are from a guy in the burns unit, he wanted to thank you for his new ears".
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3
A pregnant woman goes to the doctor for results of a test. The doctor invites her in to sit down. "I'm sorry to tell you, Mrs. Smith, that your baby has some serious problems." "What problems, doctor? I mean, when it arrives, I'll love it. It's my child and I'll love it regardless." "Well, yes, of course,... but your child has no legs." "Oh dear. Well, it's my child, and I'll love it regardless." "And it hasn't got any arms either." "What?" "Exactly what I said. Your child doesn't have a body, or a face. In fact, your child is only a very, very big ear." "Oh my God! This is terrible! Well, it's my child, and I'll love it. I'll learn all the lullabies in the world to sing to it." "Mrs. Smith, one last thing.... Unfortunately, your child is deaf."
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4
A man visits his doctor. "I think I have a problem, doc," said the patient. "One of my balls has turned blue." The doctor examined the man briefly and concluded the patient would die if they didn't have his testicle removed. "Are you crazy?!" exclaimed the patient, "How could I let you do such a thing to me?" "Do you want to die?", asked the doctor rhetorically, and the patient had to agree to have his testicle removed. But two weeks after the operation, he came back. "Doc, I don't know how to say this, but the other ball has turned blue too." Again, the doctor told him that if he wants to live, his other testicle must be cut off too. And again, the man was very reluctant. "Hey, do you want to die?", asked the doc, and the patient had to agree to the operation. But, about two weeks after he is testicleless, he returned to the doctor. "I think something is very wrong with me. My penis is now completely blue." After briefly examining the patient once again, the doc gives him the bad news. If he wants to live, his penis has to go. Of course, he did not want to hear about it. "You really want to die?", asked the doctor. "But... how do I pee?" "We'll install an plastic pipe, and there will be no problem." So, the penis is removed and a while after the operation, the unfortunate man again returns the doctor's office. He is very angry. "Doctor, the plastic pipe turned blue." "What?" "Can you tell me what a hell is happening?" So, the doctor examined the patient more carefully this time, and says, "Hmmmm, I think its the jeans......"
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