| Archives | Lists | Random | Register | Tell Joke | Links | About |
Pokern |
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
A Guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says, "I bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play." The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the guitar. The octopus' owner pockets the fifty bucks. The next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks it's lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus' owner. The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back, coming back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and says to the guy, "Now if your octopus can play that I'll give you a hundred dollars." The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, and has another look from a different angle. Puzzled, the octopus' owner comes up and says, "What are you pissing around for? Hurry up and play the damn thing !" The octopus says, "Play it ? If I can figure out how to get it's pajama's off, I'm gonna fuck it! "
Send this joke to a friend
1
Two tigers are walking along a jungle trail in single file. The rearmost tiger wanders off the trail for a few minutes, then reappears shortly thereafter. A few moments later, the front tiger feels what seems to be the other tiger's tongue, applied just below his tail. The tiger disapproves of this action, but doesn't want to start anything by bringing it up. Then, the tiger again feels the tongue, again in the same place. He decides to confront the after tiger, and asks him, "Did you just lick me twice in the butt?" The other tiger replied, "Yeah, sorry about that. I just ate a lawyer and I was trying to get the taste out of my mouth."
Send this joke to a friend
2
A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster, one that could service all of his many hens. He told this to the market vendor. The vendor replied, "I have just the rooster for you". Dom here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!" So the farmer took Dom back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the henhouse though, he gave Dom a little pep talk. "Dom", he said, "I'm counting on you to do your stuff." And without a word Dom strutted into the henhouse. Dom was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, till Dom had finished having his way with each hen. But Dom didn't stop there. He went in to the barn and mounted all the horses, one by one and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pighouse, where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief, cried out, "Stop, Dom,you'll kill yourself." But Dom continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner. Well, the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Dom lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Dom. The farmer walked up to Dom saying, "Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you've gone and killed yourself. I warned you my little buddy." "Shhhhh," Dom whispered. "The buzzard's getting closer."
Send this joke to a friend
3
On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee whereupon the parrot squawks, "And get me a whisky you cow!" The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls, "And get me another whisky you bitch!" Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot's approach. "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now,bitch, or I'll give you a slap." Next moment both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says, "For someone who can't fly you're a lippy bastard!"
Send this joke to a friend
4
("Bird" is an English Term equivalent to "Chick", and "tight" is equivalent to "cheap") You never would have guessed that, right? This bloke walks into a bar with an ostrich and cat. They all sit down at a table and the man goes to the bar and says, "A pint of Bitter for myself, a Gin &Tonic for the ostrich and a Scotch for the cat". The Barman is a little perplexed but serves the drinks anyway. Sometime later the ostrich goes to the bar and says, "A G&T for myself, a pint of bitter for the guv'nor and a whisky for the cat." The barman is even more bemused but still serves the drinks. This goes on all evening with the man and the ostrich alternately buying rounds of drinks, but the cat never does. By the end of the evening the barman asks the man, "Look, whats the story? I have to know, why do you have an ostrich and a cat? And how come the cat never buys a round?" "Well it's quite a story," says the man. "I was walking down the road one day when I found a bottle. I uncorked this bottle and Genie came out and said, `Oh thank you for releasing me, oh Master, what is your heart's desire? Tell me and it shall be yours.' "So I asked for a bird with long legs and a tight pussy."
Send this joke to a friend
5
| Today's Stories Today's Poems Today's Quotes |
| Jump to |