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On our last vacation, my wife and I saved some money by staying in a cheap hotel. Just as we were falling asleep, we heard the sounds of mattress springs and a banging headboard from the next room. At first we were amused by the amorous couple. After five minutes it had lost its charm. After ten minutes we were getting pretty annoyed, in that it was keeping us awake. After fifteen minutes, we were just plain ticked off. After half an hour we were pretty damned impressed.
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I was sitting behind a car at a stop light the other day and I noticed that it had a bumper sticker that read "Honk if you love Jesus". So I thought about it a bit and since I loved Jesus, I honked my horn. I was very suprised when the driver of the car got out and yelled, "The light is still red you asshole!!!!" got back in the car and drove off through the light which had just turned green.
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Old Simpson was a constant thorn in the side of the Parent-Teachers Association, with his steadfast opposition to innovation. For one thing, he was vociferously against the introduction of foreign languages in the town's junior high school curriculum. Waving his Bible high in the air, he shouted, "If English was good enough for the prophets and the apostles, it's plenty good enough for me."
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