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A vice both obscene and unsavory
Holds the Mayor of Southhampton in slavery.
With bloodcurdling howls
He deflowers young owls
Which he keeps in an underground aviary.
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Winter is here with his grouch,
The time when you sneeze and slouch.
You can't take your women
Canoein' or swimmin',
But a lot can be done on a couch.
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Meet Elmer, young son of the Thorpes,
Afflicted with psychotic warps.
His idea of fun
Is to bugger a nun,
And then vomit all over the corpse.
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There was a young girl from Peru
Who badly wanted to screw.
She tried a broom-handle
And the end of a candle,
But threw them away for a Jew.
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A pathetic appellant at Reno
Was as chaste as the holy Bambino,
For she'd married a slicker
Who stuck to his liquor
And scorned her ripe maraschino
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