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Q: Why did Marshall Applewhite insist that his follwers be castrated? A: He heard that to be really successful on the Internet you have to work with UNIX.
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1
A guy's on the electric chair. The warden's just about to pull the switch when the guy gets the hiccups. The warden says, "Do you have any last requests?" The guy says, "(hic) Yeah... (hic) could you please do (hic) could you please do something to scare me?"
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2
A man takes his dog for a walk in the park. While he's there, he runs in to his old friend. The two men stop to talk and the dog just plops right down and starts licking his balls. The friend sees this and says, "Man, I sure wish I could do that." The dog owner says, "Go ahead, but pet him a little bit first."
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3
One day there was an indian chief who was constipated. he sent one of his warriors to the witch doctor to get some medicine. The warrior says "Big Chief, no shit". the doctor gave him 1 pill and told him that the chief should be fine tomorrow. The warrior went back to the chief and gave him the pill. the next morning the warrior was sent back to the witch doctor and says "big chief, no shit". the doctor gives him five pills and tells him to give them to the chief. The next day the warrior appears at the witch doctor's house yet again saying "big chief, no shit". the doctor gets annoyed and so gives the warrior the whole bottle of pills to give to the chief. The next day the warrior goes back to the witch doctor (AGAIN): "Big shit, no chief".
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4
This blond teenage dragged her boyfriend to the court on paternity issue. The lawyer asked, "How long are you having a sexual relationship?" "Years, I tell you years" she replied. " Thats no answer, you have to specify how long has he intimated with you." "I don't know exactly, its average, about six inches"
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5
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