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I recently tried some of these new 'flavoured' condoms. I bought one of each flavour they had, and tried each one in turn every time i got a shag. My girlfriend likes to lick each one before i insert it in her, just to see what flavour i was wearing. The first night she said "Mmmmm, Cherry flavour", The second night she said "Mmmmm, Mint flavour", The third night she said "Mmmmm, Strawberry flavour", and so on, until we had reached the final flavour, and she said "Mmmmm, Cheese flavour" "Cheese flavour ??" i said "I haven't put one on yet!"
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1
Mother-in-law: I baked two kinds of cookies today. Would you like to take your pick? Son-in-law: No thanks. I'll just use the hammer.
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2
One day a wife complained, "This wall clock almost killed my mother today. It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch." The husband grunted and replied, "The darn clock always was slow."
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3
Little Johnny goes into a pharmacy and asks the chemist for some rubbers. The chemist puts a pack of rubbers on the counter. Johnny looks at the rubbers and asks the chemist if he has any other kind. The chemist goes into the back and brings out another pack. "Nah," says Johnny, "what else do you have?" "Well," the chemist replies, "the only other kind that I have are the ones with all the bumps and ridges on them. Do you know what these will do to a woman?" Little Johnny says, "No... but they'll make a goat jump about two feet off of the ground!"
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4
This guy goes into a restaurant. He's a little more than strung out from lack of sleep. The waiter asked for his order. Trying to be funny he asked the waiter for a hit of his best heroin. Struggling to keep a straight face. The waiter says,"I'm sorry sir, we're all out". "In that case bring me an espresso and a syringe", our friend says. Being a restaurant that prided itself on good service the waiter brought him an espresso, with a straw of course.
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5
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