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BABY CHICKEN A 50 year old woman was brought into a New York emergency room complaining of abdominal pains. During an examination, doctors found that the woman's labia were pinned together with old safety pins. Further inside, they found the dismembered body of a chicken. The woman explained that she inserted the chicken pieces, convinced that they would grow into a baby.
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The funniest thing I ever did was when I was borrowing my Dads car and I had to get gas. My Dad had a bad accident a few years back and he had both ankles surgically redone. So his car has handicap plates and I guess they have some rule that you have to give them full service at self serve pumps. The attendent came out and I waved him off without looking up from the nozzle. He tried to figure out why I had handicap plates so I thought it was a good time for a trick. I went to give him the money and I kept on bumping into things like the pump and when I went to give him the money I felt each individual bill and did the same when he gave me change. The whole time I spoke to him I staired into space( btw I was wearing dark sunglasses) . I walked out of the station running into everything and bumping my head when I got into my car. The attendent asked me, "How do you drive." I replied with, "What do you mean?" He answered with, "Are'nt you partially blind?" I ended with "No I am completely blind, I am driving a specially equiped car." I then sped away driving over the curb. In the rear view mirror I saw a station attendent with his jaw on the floor.
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PORTLAND, OR - A man was admitted to an emergency clinic with severe bruising and lacerations on his penis and testicles, caused in an accident involving a hand held vacuum cleaner. The man had been vacuuming, wearing only a bathrobe, when he tripped, having been distracted because his robe fell open. "It always does that," he said. "I keep meaning to rig up some kind of tie for it, but I never do. I guess I'll get around to it now." He fell on the vacuum and the small beater bar of the device caused enough damage to require fifteen stitches and an overnight stay at the clinic.
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