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There was an old soldier named Schmitt
Took a trip to the can for to shit.
To his epic despair
No paper was there.
So he simply continued to sit.
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1
There was a young colonel from Trent
Who lived in a lavender tent.
He said that some sessions
With interesting Hessians
Had taught him what war really meant.
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2
By a cozy peat fire in O'Dell,
Sat a Scot and a Mick, I hear tell.
"I'm full," cried O'Brien.
Said McLoed,"Well, I'm buyin'."
Sure and now, that's a cold day in hell.
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3
Under the spreading chestnut tree
The village smith he sat,
Amusing himself
By abusing himself
And catching the load in his hat.
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4
There was a young lady named Astor
Who never let any get past her.
She finally got plenty
By stopping twenty,
Which certainly ought to last her.
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5
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