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A teacher said to her little student Suzy, "Punctuate the following sentence: Fun fun fun worry worry worry." Little Suzy thought for a moment and began her reply, "Let's see. Fun period fun period fun no period worry worry worry!!!"
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1
A decorated war veteran, fresh off the bus, is looking for a place to stay. He hears that room and board is available from the three old spinsters at the edge of town, but is advised they are very picky in letting strangers stay there. He decides to chance it, and limps on up to the front door. His knock is answered by Gladys. "What do you want, sonny?" she asks him. "Ma'am, I'm just looking for a hot meal and a room for the night," he answers. The other two old spinsters gather around the door. "Who's out there? Does he look decent?" they ask. Gladys says, "It's a soldier, and he's got a Purple Heart on." The other two spinsters giggle and say, "The hell with what color it is... let him in!"
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2
Can you pass the Baby Boomer Quiz? 1. Name the Beatles, first and last names. 2. Finish this line: "Lions, and tigers, and bears ..." (2 words) 3. "Hey kids, what time is it?" (4 words) 4. What do M&Ms do? 5. What helps build strong bodies 12 ways? 6. Before he was Mohammed Ali, before he was The Greatest, we knew him as ... (2 words) 7. "You'll wonder where the yellow went, ..." (7 words) 8. Before he was the Skipper's little buddy, Bob Denver was Dobie's best friend, ... (First and last names, and middle initial) 9. "M-I-C See ya real soon. K-E-Y ..." (5 words) 10. A 'streaker' is someone who might run across campus wearing what? 11. "Brylcream: ..." (6 words) 12. Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone .... (2 words) 13. "I wonder, wonder, wonder, wonder who ..." (6 words) 14. "War, uh-huh, huh, yeah, what is it good for? ..." (2 words) 15. Where have all the flowers gone? 16. Superman, "disguised as Clark Kent, mild mannered reporter for a great metropolitan newspaper, fights a never ending battle for truth, justice, and ..." (3 words) 17. Who came from the University of Alabama to become one of the greatest QB's in NFL history and appeared in a TV commercial wearing women's pantyhose? Extra credit if you know his nickname! 18. "I'm Popeye the sailor man! I'm Popeye the sailor man! I'm strong to the finish ..." (5 words) 19. Who played Peter Pan before all these other imitators? 20. In "The Graduate," Benjamin Braddock (Dustin Hoffman) was advised about his future and told to consider one thing. What? 21. In 1962, a dejected politician, having lost a race for governor, announced his retirement and chastised the press saying, "Just think, you don't have ... to kick around any more." (2 words) And he lied! 22. "Every morning at the mine you could see him arrive. He stood six feet six, weighed 245 pounds, kinda broad at the shoulder and narrow at the hip, and everybody knew you didn't give no lip to ..." (2 words) 23. Where did Fats Domino find his thrill? (3 words) 24. "Good night, Mrs. Calabash, ..." (3 words) 25. "Good night, Chet. ..." (3 words) 26. "Liar, liar, ..." (3 words) And it's not a Jim Carrey movie! 27. "When it's least expected, you're elected. You're the star today! Smile! ..." (4 words) . . . . . Answers: 1. John Lennon, Paul McCartney (Sir), George Harrison, Ringo Starr (Richard Starkey) 2. Oh, my! 3. It's Howdy Doody Time! 4. melt in your mouth, not in your hand. 5. Wonder bread 6. Casius Clay 7. "when you brush your teeth with Pepsodent" 8. Maynard G. Crebbs 9. "... why, because we like you." 10. nothing but a smile! 11. "a little dab will do ya." 12. over 30! 13. "...who wrote the book of love" 14. "absolutely nothing!" 15. "long time passing" 16. "the American way" 17. "Joe Nameth", aka "Broadway Joe", aka "Joe Willie". 18. "...'cause I eats me spinach." 19. Mary Martin. 20. "Plastic" 21. Dick Nixon. 22. "Big John" 23. on blueberry hill. 24. "...wherever you are." 25. "Good night, David." 26. "...pants on fire." 27. "You're on Candid Camera."
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3
Taylor was desperate for business, and was happy to be appointed by the court to defend an indigent defendant. The judge ordered Taylor, "You are to confer with the defendant in the hallway, and give him the best legal advice you can." After a time, Taylor re-entered the courtroom alone. When the judge asked where the defendant had gone, Taylor replied, "You asked me to give him good advice. I found out that he was guilty as hell, so I told him to split."
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4
Q: How many managers does it take to change a light bulb? A: We've formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out, and figure out what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder.
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5
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