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A man leaned toward an attractive woman at a bar and told her, "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?" "Yes," she replied in a loud voice, "I'm the receptionist at the V.D. clinic."
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1
A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later: "Da-ad..." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?" "No. You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes later... "Daaaa-aaaad..." "WHAT??!!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"
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2
The teacher says, "Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today's word is "beautiful". Little Sally, would you please come up here and use "beautiful" in a sentence?" Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, my mom is the most beautiful woman in the world." Teacher says, "Very good, Little Sally, you may sit. Little Frankie, your turn." Little Frankie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, the sunrise this morning was the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen." Teacher says, "Very good, Little Frankie, you may sit. Little Johnny, it's your turn." Little Johnnie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, last night my big sister told my dad that she was pregnant and he said, "Beautiful, just fucking beautiful."
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3
Little Johnny sat playing in the garden. When his mother came out to collect him, she saw that he was slowly eating a worm. She turned pale. "No, Johnny! Stop! That's horrible! You can't eat worms!" Trying to convince him further, "Now the mother worm is looking all over for her nice baby-worm." "No, she isn't," said Johnny. "Why not?" "Because I ate her first!"
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4
Little Johnny's teacher asked him, "Johnny, give me a sentence using the words, "bitter end" in it. Little Johnny thought for a moment and replies, "Our dog chased our cat and he bitter end."
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5
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