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Johnny (age 8) comes into the house for dinner after playing outside all afternoon. His parents ask him what he did today. He says that he played baseball and then he proposed to Betty (age 7) the next door neighbor. They are going to get married. His parents think this is cute, and they don't want to make fun of Johnny so they ask Johnny him "How are you and Betty going to pay for the expenses of being married?" He replies "Well with the $1 I get each week from you and the $1 she gets from her Mom and Dad, we should do o.k." His father says "That's fine, but how will you pay the extra expenses if you and Betty have a baby?" Johnny answers "Well, so far, we've been lucky..."
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1
One fall day Dave was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first hearse was a second hearse, which was followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file. Intrigued, Dave went up to the man following the second hearse and asked him who was in the first hearse. "My wife," the man replied. "I'm sorry," said Dave. "What happened to her?" "My dog bit her and she died." Dave then asked who was in the second hearse. The man replied, "My mother-in-law. My dog bit her and she died as well." "Can I borrow your dog?" "Get in line." replied the man.
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2
First man: How'd you get that black eye? Second man: I called some woman a two-bit whore. First man: She punched you? Second man: Nope. She hit me with her bag of quarters.
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3
A cop sees a car weaving all over the road and pulls it over. He walks up to the car and sees a nice-looking woman is driving and smells liquor on her breath. He says, "I'm going to have to give you the breathalyzer test to determine if you are under the influence of alcohol." She blows up the balloon and he walks over to the police car. After a couple of minutes comes back and says, "It looks like you've had a couple of stiff ones." She replies "You mean it shows that, too?"
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4
The young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored. "What would you like to do next?" he asked. "I wanna be weighed," she said. So the young man took her over to the weight guessed. "One-twelve," said the man at the scale, and he was absolutely right. Next they rode the roller coaster. After that, he bought her some popcorn and cotton candy, then he asked what else she would like to do. "I wanna be weighed," she said. I really latched onto a square one tonight, thought the young man, and using the excuse he had developed a headache, he took the girl home. The girl's mother was surprised to see her home so early, and asked, "What's wrong, dear, didn't you have a nice time tonight?" "Wousy," said the girl.
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5
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