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Scrotum Self-Repair
Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality
by William A. Morton, Jr.
One morning I was called to the emergency room by the head ER nurse. She
directed me to a patient who had refused to describe his problem other
than to say that he "needed a doctor who took care of men's troubles."
The patient, about 40, was pale, febrile, and obviously uncomfortable, and
had little to say as he gingerly opened histrousers to expose a bit of
angry red and black-and-blue scrotal skin. After I asked the nurse to
leave us, the patient permitted me to remove his trousers, shorts, and two
or three yards of foul-smelling stained gauze wrapped about his scrotum,
which was swollen to twice the size of a grapefruit and extremely tender.
A jagged zig-zag laceration, oozing pus and blood, extended down the left
scrotum. Amid the matted hair, edematous skin, and various exudates, I saw
somehalf-buried dark linear objects and asked the patient what they
were. Several days earlier, he said, he had injured himself in
the machine shop where he worked, and had closed the laceration himself
with a heavy-duty stapling gun. The dark objects were one-inch staples of
the type used in putting up wallboard.
We x-rayed the patient's scrotum to locate the staples; admitted him to the
hospital; and gave him tetanus antitoxin, broad-spectrum antibacterial
therapy, and hexachlorophene sitz baths prior to surgery the next morning.
The procedure consisted of exploration and debridement of the left side of
the scrotal pouch. Eight rusty staples were retrieved, and the skin edges
were trimmed and freshened. The left testis had been avulsed and was missing.
The stump of thespermatic cord was recovered at the inguinal canal, debrided,
and the vessels ligated properly, though not much of a hematoma was present.
Through-and-through Penrose drains were sutured loosely in site, and the
skin was loosely closed. Convalescence was uneventful, and before his
release from the hospital less than a week later, the patient confided
the rest of his story to me.
An unmarried loner, he usually didn't leave the machine shop at lunch time
with his coworkers. Finding himself alone, he had begun the regular practice
of masturbating by holding his penis against the canvas drive-belt of a large
floor-based piece of machinery. One day, as he approached orgasm, he lost
his concentration and leaned too close to the belt. When his scrotum became
caught between the pulley-wheel and the drive-belt, he was thrown into the
air and landed a few feet away. Unaware that he had lost his left testis,
and perhaps too stunned to feel much pain, he stapled the wound closed and
resumed work. I can only assume he abandoned this method of self-
gratification.
[William A. Morton is a retired urologist residing in West Chester,
Pennsylvania.]
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1
's Most Bizarre Suicide
On March 23 the medical examiner viewed the body of Ronald Opus and
concluded that he died from a gunshot wound of the head caused by a shotgun.
Investigation to that point had revealed that the deceased had jumped from
the top of a ten story building with the intent to commit suicide (he
left a note indicating his despondency). As he passed the 9th floor on the way
down, his life was interrupted by a shotgun blast through a window, killing
him instantly. Neither the shooter nor the deceased was aware that a safety
net had been erected at the 8th floor level to protect some window washers
and that the deceased would not have been able to complete his intent to
commit suicide because of this.
Ordinarily, a person who starts into motion the events with a suicide intent
ultimately commits suicide even though the mechanism might be not what he
intended. That he was shot on the way to certain death nine stories below
probably would not change his mode of death from suicide to homicide. But
the fact that his suicide intent would not have been achieved under any
circumstance caused the medical examiner to feel that he had homicide on his
hands.
Further investigation led to the discovery that the room on the 9th floor
from whence the shotgun blast emanated was occupied by an elderly man and
his wife. He was threatening her with the shotgun because of an
inter-spousal spat and became so upset that he could not hold the shotgun
straight. Therefore, when he pulled the trigger, he completely missed his
wife and the pellets went through the window striking the deceased.
When one intends to kill subject A, but kills subject B in the attempt, one
is guilty of the murder of subject B. The old man was confronted with this
conclusion, but both he and his wife were adamant in stating that neither
knew that the shotgun was loaded. It was the longtime habit of the old man
to threaten his wife with an unloaded shotgun. He had no intent to murder
her; therefore, the killing of the deceased appeared then to be accident.
That is, the gun had been accidentally loaded.
But *further* investigation turned up a witness that their son was seen
loading the shotgun approximately six weeks prior to the fatal accident. That
investigation showed that the mother (the old lady) had cut off her son's
financial support and her son, knowing the propensity of his father to use
the shotgun threateningly, loaded the gun with the expectation that the
father would shoot his mother. The case now becomes one of murder on the part
of the son for the death of Ronald Opus.
Further investigation revealed that the son became increasingly despondent
over the failure of his attempt to get his mother murdered. This led him to
jump off the ten story building on March 23, only to be killed by a shotgun
blast through a 9th story window.
The medical examiner closed the case as a suicide.
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2
When the last scene of Titanic faded to black and people
began rushing for the exits, one patron shouted: "Quick! There
are only enough cars in the parking lot for half of us!"
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3
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