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I went past a plastic surgeon's shop the other day and saw Michael Jackson picking his nose.
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1
What are 3 problems about being an egg? You only get laid once, the only woman to sit on your face is your mother, and it takes 4 minutes to get hard.
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2
What is the difference between a brown-noser and a shit-head? Depth perception.
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3
A wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game. As the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until at 8 p.m. the husband finally pulls into the driveway. "What happened?" says the wife. "You should have been home hours ago!" "Harry had a heart attack at the third hole," replied the husband. "Oh, that's terrible," says the wife. "I know," the husband answers. "All day long it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry..."
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4
There was a cowboy who went to the outhouse. He heard some noise, so he looked inside, and lo and behold there was an Indian down in the hole. The cowboy said, "How long have you been down there?" The Indian replied, "Many moons."
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5
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