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Two goldfish are in a tank. One said to the other: 'Do you know how to drive this thing?' Sent by Claire
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1
To stop her 4-year old daughter from biting her nails, her mother tells her it'll make her fat. “I won't do it any more, Mom," says the daughter. Next day they are out walking when they meet a very fat man. “If I bite my fingernails, I'll be as fat as that, won't I Mom?" “You'll be fatter than that," says her mother. They get on a bus, and sitting opposite them is a very pregnant lady. The little girl can't take her eyes off the woman's belly. The pregnant lady feels increasingly uncomfortable under this stare, and finally leans forward and says to the little girl, “Excuse me, but do you know me?" And the little girl says, “No, but I know what you've been doing..." Sent by Max
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2
How does every ethnic joke start? By looking over your shoulder.
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3
If a man is bald at the front, he is a thinker. If he is bald at the back, he is sexy. If he is bald from front to back - he thinks he is sexy.
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4
What is the meaning of life? All evidence to date suggests it's chocolate.
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5
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